DreamofTruth
Thru Dimension of thought and Sound/Artistic choice,
I found a Dark Spot in my HEART..
a loss
a need
a Longing
a Truth of LOVE
that has no place to Go,
And Stands alone in a Void,
Waiting,
Still,
for the Light it Deserves.
And thru that I HEAR
the Voice of the Core
within the Dark Spot,
Echoing Breath of Steps/Walking out and about,
Tinkling of Drops,
Sound of piano,
Embracing its reality..
is it up to me to give it a Destination?
or should i let it be?
October 17, 2004
COULD NOT SLEEP
2 be Open,
2 have sense of the Possibilities and
Understand Character of Good Vibration
walking a Line,
A line in Life of truth 2 ones own Destiny.
As you fastforward 2 the Dance of life, the Dance of Love,
Music Drowns your Visions
Orchestrating the Applause that's there for you to own.
A Drink 2 new Beginnings
as you Recover and Realize the Game that you were part of,
Because you were Open,
Open 2 the Possibilities of your Destiny,
so once again does the wall Raise to Protect as
you hear pieces of your Heart falling,
or do you Rewind knowing you were Given a chance 2 see
your Future on the Video of your Life,
And have Faith that LOVE,
the one that's here to Stay
will be waiting for You.
September 26, 2004 -- 1:59AM
WHAT PROPELLED VIKTOR TO START DANCING AGAIN?
"I was taking my nap and listening to music and it just came to me." - VM
So now I stand before you, asking for a second chance.
I listen and I hear no sound as the light gets dark.
I can't see past my eyes, but in my soul you will be with me.
In my heart, I feel this Life unfold before me.
They see me smile, they'll hear me cry,
and sense the gift that you have bestowed upon me.
And behind me is a print of what was to be, and what is becoming.
So grateful I am now, for you were my beginning, and you will be my end.
As above, so below.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
I knew at the beginning of the year, that I had to go back to Dance. I had a world in the AIDS Rides,
I had a world in the Dance Community. How do I give up the Riding? How do I return to the Dancing?
When do we know it is time to return to where we have started? In reality, it is never too late - to fill an
unaccomplished dream. You know what I mean?
When you just keep walking, because you know you have to walk the walk -
what you need just comes to you.
Even though the work is hard, the surroundings that will give you the work are not hard.
So out the window goes the "If it is not hard, it is not fulfilling"
So there is a positive and negative working within the situation.
And that is where you learn your own limitation.
ARE THEY DEMONS THAT ARE IN TURMOIL? AS I SEE VISIONS OF THOUGHTS,
OF PASSION, AND ACTIONS BEFORE ME. SO FAMILIAR, YET NOT GIVEN A CHANCE @
THEIR ARENA - WITHIN THEIR MEDIA. BUT PROJECTED INTO FOREVER ETERNAL
PERFORMANCES, QUENCHING FIRE WITH FUEL OF THE PAST, FUEL OF A FUTURE.
I LOSE MY BREATH AS A ARTIST, AND I LONG FOR THAT FLUID TO BOIL WITHIN
MY VEINS.
IF YOU DON'T MAKE AN EFFORT TO KNOW TRUTH, TO PERCEIVE IT BENEATH
THE VEILS THAT HIDE IT, YOU WILL NEVER DISCOVER YOUR OWN REAL NATURE.
November 20, 1996 Tel-Aviv Airport. (Second Visit)
Trying to recapture my feeling of being worthy of existence
-- that I thought I lost in the first visit Sept 9-24 1996.
Lesson learned:
Not to take responsibility, even for Love,
when it does not Include YOU in it's Choice.
So....one more time we part, next time it will be different you'll see.
Sadness becomes you as
the shadow of my presence slowly leaves your Vision
and you give me a sign (LOVE)
the true meaning belongs to us.
Awaiting for my flight I think about you,
to soon some might say,
but your essence is surrounding me.
I'm certain people can hear my Soul,
that no matter how I try and calm it when it asks me why it can't see you?
it won't listen to me and Denies me Comfort.
And the Patience that was Acquired from the joy of us together
waits in the sidelines, as again we part.
Next time it will be different I tell it Again,
but my Soul won't believe me and it Sighs,
A moment of Silence and a numb Echo of Mourning follows.
1996 - @ THE BEGINNING OF 5 AIDS RIDES, 1 MARATHON, AND A 10K BREAST CANCER RUN
WAKING UP TO NEW FEELINGS, ASPIRATION IS EXTREMELY HIGH, EVEN WHEN
FRENZY TRIES TO SET IN. SOMEHOW IT CAN'T MAKE ROOM, FOR MY LIFE IS BLESSED.
ETHEREAL SOUND CLEANSED IN SPIRITUAL LEVEL. CLARITY IF NOT WITH ME
THE REFLECTION IS NEXT TO ME. SO WHEN i FEEL LOST, I STOP, EMBRACE, AND
SEE THE SELF, WHICH HOLDS NO LIMITS. THE ENERGY IT EMANATES AS LIGHT
WITHIN BURNING BRIGHT. SO I THINK AND SAY MY NAME OUT LOUD WITH LOVE.
FOR IT IS LOVE THAT I LIVE FOR, LOVE I HAVE FAITH IN. MY PHILOSOPHY IS TO
EXPRESS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. FOR BEAUTY AND LOVE WITHOUT SUBSTANCE
CAN NOT SURVIVE. THIS GIFT IS OPEN, LASTING, AND TRUE. IT RESONATES IN ME.
EXTERNAL, INTERNAL BECOME REFLECTIONS OF LIFE, STRENGTH, INNOCENCE,
CHILD-LIKE. STONE PILLAR IS AS PURE AS GOLD, ENDURING AS PLATINUM,
AND IT IS NOT NEW TO ME.
ACCOMPLISHMENT MEANS MORE TO ME THAN COMPETITION.
I HAVE ALWAYS FELT HONORED TO BE ABLE TO PARTICIPATE.
SOMETIMES ONE MUST SACRIFICE IN ORDER TO HELP.
THAT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF APPRECIATION FOR LIFE.
GROUNDING ONES SELF IN ORDER TO LIVE.
EMPTY VESSEL MUST FIND NEW WAYS SO IT CAN CONTINUE GIVING IN THE FUTURE.
2/8/99 Full Moon in Scorpio
Awareness of LOVE knock me on my Ass without notice,
Into an Abyss that has me face the foundation of my life.
Energy of strength I understand
but I'm exposed like a live wire,
a current that's unattended by Affection.
The Heart is Pierced and Scorched
by the flame that is supposed to keep it warm
and it reminds me of Hunger for Love.
Usually I can cry myself to a peaceful purging of the Soul
but it now knows the Game
And like a new born baby it Screams on how Abandoned it feels,
How like a Flower without Sun -
Water has lived unattended to long.
So what am I supposed to do?
Energy of Strength I understand
but Awareness of LOVE keeps slamming me down.
Sunday 17 November 2002, late :(.
Demanding Answers and Acknowledging Life
@ that moment After losing 4 people this Year...
Fucken reflection of light
What the hell do they want to tell me now!
I don't Fucken Care @ this moment,
I'm Angry @ life @ Breath @ Existing...
Fuck it!
Fuck it!
I dare it to make sense of All that's happen to me this Year.
Right now @ 12:30am 11/18 My body Aches
Every fiber of my Cellular being is in need of Comfort..
Dear GOD Give me Strength
7 December 2002 @ 6PM
Ravished by my own Essence, Ravished by Desire,
Ravished and Empty by my own thoughts for you.
Excluded from my own Soul and in Denial that we are never meant to be together Again,
Even though when I have caught glimpses of you scraps of Love are thrown my way.
I beg of you release me from this taste,
or be true to the Deepest thoughts of your Heart.
4 I am Altered by Love's reality and I find myself @ this Space....
Suspended! or is it all my true perspective on how and why I truly Feel,
Touch, Breath, Adore, Exist.
Expose me or Deny me. Amen
Written 20 February 2003 @ 11:20PM
Questioning the word PHISICO thru Dance
Soaking in my Comfort Zone @ my Medium,
I find my Soul and I understand
The Acceptance of my Reflection,
but need I live this path without Guidance?
And I listen to my Body and it slowly tells of no Fear
thru the Aches and Pains that I've put it thru,
If I have forward movement this instant, this second, in this Darkness....
Let Faith kick in. It says (repetition of sound)
and you will see such Splendor
that your Heart will Cry tears of Joy,
Glow of Unconditional Love.
REALITY - DEALING WITH INSECURITY, AGE, AND THE BODY IN THE MORNINGS
DECISIONS ARE MADE, CHOICES TO BE ENDURED.
FROM THE HEART, TIME STANDS STILL.
NOTHING SHIFTS, NOTHING MOVES.
SOMETIMES I AM CONFUSED BY THE DARKNESS OF THE SOUL.
THEN I REALIZE, IT IS ONLY A SHADOW FROM THE SUN.
FOR I STAND IN LIGHT, AND I HAVE HOPE.
ARRIVING AT A CROSSROAD, I STUMBLE, FLY, THEN FALL.
SO MANY REFLECTIONS ARE STILL PATIENTLY WAITING FOR A SIGN.
THEY KNOW THERE WILL BE ONE.
WHY DO I FEEL SO STRONG? BECAUSE I AM.
LISTENING TO MY DREAMS, I CONCUR MY NIGHTMARES,
I UNDERSTAND MY FEARS.
THERE IS A TRAIL OF LIFE BEHIND ME.
AND ONCE AGAIN FROM THE HEART, THE PLACE WHERE DREAMS COME TRUE,
I SPEAK AND SAY TIME HAS BEEN MY FRIEND.
FOR THE LOVE I HAVE FOR MY EXISTENCE IS STILL BLOOMING.
SEASON AFTER SEASON, THERE IS NO SHIFTING.
FOR I AM, AND I KNOW IT.
FULL SPEED AHEAD.
Part of my AIDS Ride Pledge Letter as a SPOKEBUSTER:
When I stand before GOD
at the end of my Life,
I would hope that I have not a single bit of talent left
and I will say
" I Used Everything You Gave Me"
DANCE, SEX, AND ROCK N' ROLL
[Based on the survival of my existence]
Spirituality through dance is an expression of internal passion for life,
a fullness of the heart, a gift from God.
In Memory of my Father
Antonio Hernandez Huerta
9/8/33 - Week of Nov 11-17 2006
The Man that taught me Passion for Life and Compassion for Others
which is what we had in common
but tore us apart over the last decades
May He Finally Rest in PEACE
